It has been weeks. I am still hoping for a miracle to happen even though I know it impossible. When can I let go of this feeling completely? Am I happy with my life now? I just feel lonely. I have been staying home every day. My everyday life is the same routine. Morning go to work, after work went home and hide myself in my room.

Get irritated by family if they ask me too many questions. Every day I pray hoping that mummy wont ask me too many question for not going out. Every time I need to lie to her saying he OT or have training. I do not know until when I have to lie to her. I have been lazy too. Walking to canteen for lunch can just spoil my mood to eat. And I have been waking up late for work even though I sleep very early. My life is just in a mess now. Feeling so hopeless.

Mum been scolding me for keeping myself in the room and did not eat dinner. She been nagging that there is no point for her to cook dinner if I did not eat because she cook only for me as my dad and sister usually eat out. I do feel sad that she takes the effort to cook but I do not eat. I just feel lazy to drag my butt out of my bed. Like I say… I am becoming such a lazy bum that I have to dragged myself to the kitchen or toilets.

My weekday night starts with a Chinese drama at 7. Form 8 to 9 is the time I shower and check my mails. 9 to 10 continue with my Chinese dramas. Then if there is a nice show showing I will continue watching movie or I just go to sleep. Wake up around 3 or 4 feeling hungry. Damn it… This is the result of not eating dinner. Been having gastric attack occasionally. I just pray that it won’t become appendix. I did not want to have a scar la kan…

Amalina is leading a boring life now. August my cousins ask me for a holiday to Indonesia again!!! Haiz.. Boring.. Mid this month my cousin going Paris. She did ask if I want to go with her. If only she go after bonus kan bagus. Can I go BKK or HK instead?? I want to shop and release my stress!! Maybe I need to get a fengshui. My luck been very bad this year.

I think I’m suffering from BID (Body Image Distortion). It is becoming worst each day.

I hope that you are leading a happy life now.